Tag Archives: Holiday

A Mailing from Your Charity, or An Over-Solicitor’s Rare Christmas Miracle

Xmas Mail

T’was the month before year’s-end; the devo department

Was sending appeals to all homes and apartments.

The director was sweating like Richard M. Nixon

For fear that a failure would cause crucifixion.

The ED was clueless and screaming for money

And the board chair was gone, yachting to Bimini.

The donors were asked to contribute all year.

Each month — no each week! — it’s all they could hear.

“Give now” and “Give now” and “Give now” once again.

They were tapped just for money and not for their ken.

When all of a sudden there arouse such a ruckus

A donor had given fifteen thousand buck-us.

The annual giving director said “WHEE!

We’ll hit all our goals!  And they’ll promote me!”

The year-end was saved and Christmas was merry,

Now it’s time to mail the appeal for January.

The Christmas Arts Season is Almost Here: Time for Much Mooing and Missions Drifting Higher than the Plowed Snow Blocking your Driveway


Once there was a theatre company that produced new plays.  However, during the holiday season, they produced “A Christmas Carol.”

Foundation leaders that supported this company asked one day, “Why do you produce ‘A Christmas Carol’ when it has nothing to do with your mission or the rest of your activities?”

“Because,” said a truthful board president, “it’s our ‘cash cow.’ And we need to milk it for all its worth to pay for everything else we do.”

“Oh,” said the foundation leaders.  “Does it?”

“Yes,” said the president.  “It’s a good thing, too.”

The leaders huddled together.

“That’s wonderful,” they said.  “It follows, then, that we can now fund companies whose mission aligns with ours.  With your ‘cash cow,’ you don’t need us.  Thank you!”

And then they cut funding to the theatre company to zero.

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all o’er the glade, the galleries, ballets, and playhouse got paid… And the board chair exclaimed, ere he took his tax break, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good take.”

Ebenezer Scrooge and George Bailey…

Langston Hughes and the Four Plaids…

Handel and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir…

Christmas in Wales and Christmas in Macy*s…

The Mouse King and the Sugar Plum Fairy…

Your local carolers, buskers, jazz artists, ornament craft-makers, and pageant participants know what it’s about. Joy, family, charity, peace, and goodwill toward mankind.

And a boatload of cash.  The Holiday-Cash-Cow sings, “Moo-moo-moo, moo-moo-moo, moo-moo-moo-moo-moo.”

“But we pay for the stuff no one wants to see all year with this one production of ‘A Christmas Carol!” said a board president pal of mine.

And as one managing director famously said, “We do the mission all year long.  Except Christmas.  That’s where we try to make money.”

Last I checked, one of the morals of “A Christmas Carol” had something to do with, what was it again…?

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